Parental Alienation

A common issue in divorce has been termed Parental Alienation. Throughout a divorce, especially in the beginning stages of divorce, there is often so much emotion involved: pain, sadness…anger. It is at these very moments, which can be some of the lowest points of our lives, that we must conduct ourselves in the highest manner for our children. After all, as the adults in the relationship, we bear some responsibility. Even if we were not the ones who were abusive, or unfaithful, or the ones who decided to get out of the marriage, we willingly picked our spouse all of those years ago. The only true innocents are our children.

Parental alienation runs the gamut from mild to extreme and can be wildly damaging. At its extreme, it breaks the important bond between parent and child. Below is a portion of a test out of Dr. Richard A. Warshak’s, Divorce Poison. In his book, he offers up a test regarding the sharing of information with your child in regard to the other parent. His questions will help you truly put your child’s welfare at the forefront by helping you understand your intentions when communicating information to your child about the other parent. Hopefully, after taking this test, you will think twice about disparaging your soon-to-be ex and take the high road for the sake of the emotional health and well-being of your child. Here are some questions from the test:

1. What is my real reason for revealing this information to the children?
2. Are my children being harmed by the behavior I am about to criticize? Or are they being harmed by not having the information I am about to reveal?
3. How will it help the children to hear what I am about to tell them?
4. Do the possible benefits of revealing this to the children out-weigh the possible risks?
5. If I were still happily married to my spouse, and I wanted to protect our children’s relationship with him or her, How would I handle the situation?

For the full test and more information about Parental Alienation you can purchase the book Divorce Poison on Amazon. The book can be purchased in a bundle with the DVD, Welcome Back, Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation, at Richard Warshak’s Online Store.

-written by J.C. 2019